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Looking for hot BBW's?
Start here..
Looking for hot BBW's?
Start here..
Updated September 2026
Don't open with her body. Read her profile, reply to something she actually wrote, and say plainly what you're looking for. That's most of it. Below is the detail, from the openers women skip to the right moment to suggest meeting.
Picture the message she's already had ten times today. On most sites it's about her body. On a BBW site it can be worse, because some men treat the site's name as permission.
It isn't. Women on BBW sites delete the same openers over and over:
There's a plain reason looks-first openers fail. "Gorgeous" tells her nothing about you, and it's what the last five men said. A question about something she wrote proves you got past the photos, and it hands her an easy reply.
Then there's the pile. She's probably woken up to a stack of messages, and a fair few got explicit before she'd said a word. She isn't reading each one closely. She's scanning for the one that sounds like an actual person, and a specific message is the one that gets opened properly.
Most of the real women on BBW Connex are here for something casual. Plenty want to chat for a while first, and some are open to more. So saying what you want isn't rude. It saves you both a week of guessing.
Be direct, not crude. Say what kind of thing you want, not what you want to do.
If you want an FWB rather than a one-off, say so. Women here would rather know now than on the second date. Say it once, then get on with talking like a normal person. There's more on this in what BBW women want, and on FWB vs one-offs in BBW hookups.
These are made-up examples. Each "before" is the kind of opener women say they ignore. Each "after" picks up something from her profile.
| Instead of this | Try this | Why it works |
|---|---|---|
| "Hey gorgeous, loving those curves" | "You said you're trying to swim at every beach within two hours of home. Which one's winning so far?" | It proves you read her profile, and it's easy to answer. |
| "I've always been into bigger women. You're exactly my type." | "I'll be upfront: I'm into big women and I'm after something casual. But your line about being banned from quiz night is why I'm writing." | Your preference is on the table without being the whole message. |
| "Hi, how are you?" | "Anyone who lists 'terrible at parallel parking' in their bio has a story. What happened?" | "Hi" gives her nothing to reply to. A specific question does. |
Look at the middle one. It doesn't hide that you like bigger women. On this site that's hardly news. It just doesn't make her body the only thing you've got to say.
Keep it short, too. Men write their longest, most gushing messages to the women they're keenest on, and it rarely helps. A wall of text feels like pressure, like you've already decided how this goes. Two or three lines that show you read her profile beat a paragraph about how amazing she is.
You can drop the "hi" altogether. Starting with the question is less work for both of you.
You can compliment her. Just don't make it only about her body, or your opening line.
The version that works covers the whole person. She wants to feel desired, and she wants to be liked. Noticing her sense of humor, or the way she writes about her weekends, does both. It tells her you saw her, not just her category.
Once you're talking and it's clearly flirty, saying she looks good is fine. Keep it about her, not her size. "You look great in that photo" lands. A line about loving big women doesn't, because you could send it to anyone on the site.
If things are heading somewhere more sexual, check she's into it first.
Mirror her words. If she calls herself curvy, don't call her fat. If she calls herself fat, don't correct her to curvy. Some women don't love a man calling them "BBW", even here, so wait and see which words she uses. What each word usually means is in BBW vs curvy vs thick.
A lot of women here want to chat before meeting, and it isn't stalling. It's how she checks you're who your profile says, and that you'll be decent in person. Wanting something casual doesn't mean she'll meet a stranger she's barely spoken to.
There's no magic number of messages. It's usually time to suggest something when:
When you ask, make it easy to say yes or no. Suggest a drink or coffee somewhere public, let her pick the day, and don't push if she wants a little longer.
Leave swapping numbers until she's comfortable. On BBW Connex, contact details can only be shared privately in messages, never on a public profile. There's more on why chatting first works in BBW chat that actually goes somewhere.
Want to see who's actually on the site before you write anything? Join free and have a look around, or see who's on BBW Connex in the US, UK or Australia.
You already know most of this from your inbox. Here's the flip side: how to spot the men worth replying to.
The good ones mention something you wrote. They're clear about what they want without spelling it out in detail. They talk about you, not about big women in general. And when you say no, or not yet, they take it.
Skip the ones who open with your body, get sexual before you've replied, push you to WhatsApp in message two, or bring up your weight or what you eat. You don't owe anyone a reply. Blocking someone is invisible to them, and reports are anonymous.
Not sure if a man likes you or just your size? Our guide to chubby chasers goes into it. New to the site? Start with joining as a plus-size woman.
Read the profile first. Real profiles usually say something about her life, and that's your opener. If a profile is a polished paragraph with nothing specific in it, or it mentions allowances and gifts, move on. Those rarely turn into a conversation, and some end with a request for money.
Here's how to spot a fake profile.
Now the catch. Joining, building a profile and browsing are free. With a free Classic account you can read what VIP members send you, but writing to whoever you like needs VIP, which also lets you filter search to Verified members, whose photos a moderator has checked.
Upgrade once you've found people worth writing to, and cancel whenever you want. The full breakdown is in is BBW Connex free?
Join free and have a look around
Say it once, plainly, next to something that shows you're interested in her as a person. "I'm into bigger women, and I liked what you wrote about your garden" works. A message that's only about her body, or what you'd do with it, is the creepy version.
Yes. On a BBW site it's expected. The preference isn't the problem. Making her body the whole conversation is, and so is acting like she should be flattered. For where the line sits, see preference vs fetish.
There's no set number. Wait until she's asking questions back and you've both said what you're after. Then suggest somewhere public and let her pick the day. If she wants to chat longer, that's an answer, not a rejection.
To message freely, yes. A free Classic account can open messages from VIP members, but proper back-and-forth needs VIP, and you can cancel whenever you want. What free gets you.
Let it go. No second "hello?", no asking why. Women on dating sites are often buried in messages, and silence often isn't personal. If nobody replies, look at your openers and your own photos before you blame the site.